is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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