Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
