Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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