32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
