I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
40s are totally the cure
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
