i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
