i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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