There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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