Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
