You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
