I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize