Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
