Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
