My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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