Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Damn victory sex feels great
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
