This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
