Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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