$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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