I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
