Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize