Well douche your snatch and let's go!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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