That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
