i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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