my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
false alarm, still single
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
