He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
