I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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