Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
