Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Please don't give away my fajitas
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
