2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize