I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I've blown a few things in my day
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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