When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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