those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
