I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
