Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
