They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
