Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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