I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
