dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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