47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
