Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
