It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize