I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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