Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
