i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
