I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
