Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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