Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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