im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Shame is for Republicans.
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