Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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