he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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