Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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