I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
