Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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