And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
