Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
