Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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