SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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