Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
