Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
