so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
