he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
