I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
