gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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