Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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