My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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