i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
