he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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