nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
