i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
