Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
