Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
