It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
