no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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