I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
