I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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