Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
