drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
