i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Everything about him screamed your future.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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